Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize