i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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