Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I cut my penus on the lid.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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