I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
