I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
