i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I got inside last night via doggy door
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
