it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
