dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
