last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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