She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize