Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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