Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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