So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
