You can't motorboat a personality
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
