A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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