My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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