wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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