the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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