I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
