Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize