i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
