we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
