If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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