maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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