No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize