i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My dick has a subreddit
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
