I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Enjoy the penises
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
