someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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