Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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