Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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