Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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