Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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