i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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