Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
