Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
