you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
