Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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