You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize