So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
