so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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