All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
