bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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