He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
