i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
