Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
