I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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