tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize