I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
babies were throwing up all over the place
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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