He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My ass is underappreciated
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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