I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize