I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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