i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
