i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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