I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
