I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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