Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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