My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So many bounce houses so little time
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
