I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Randomize
