If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
