So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
