You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
