im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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