I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
