haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
