she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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