My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize