Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
