Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
