HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize