You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
